Couldn't get to sleep till nearly 6am today morning. There were just too many things on my mind. Was reading my blog archives and looking at the private entries and I look back now and feel so dumb. I know it's the past and there are a few lessons I've learnt from all the emotional turmoil I've been through. I shall never repeat all the mistakes again.

Sometimes, I just feel as though I'm wasting my life away. I've got no goals in life. Even if I did, I never did take them seriously. I really want to make a difference in my life and 40 years down the road (if I manage to live for that long still) I want to look back and know that life has been worth living, that I've done something useful in my life. Okay, look, I'm blabbering.

The many things that has been bugging me and I wanna pour it all out.

--- I'm sorry I can't go this Saturday. Please don't be pissed at me. I hope you'll be able to understand. I'll make it up to you.

--- I know I shouldn't be feeling this way. It's damn wrong. I'm sorry. But I really wanna know... I really wish it's the way I want it to turn out to be.

--- And so, you've managed to make me feel like this over you again. You just like to play this game with me don't you? Making me all anxious and worried and all...

--- You're one queer person I find very hard to decipher. I feel like I'll never be able to understand you, much less trust what you always have to say.

--- What happened to the relationship we used to share? The many special moments for the past three years. I feel so angry with myself for spilling the beans on you. Maybe it was because of that. You always claim you're busy and that you'll have time for me. When will it be? Please do not make empty promises and hurt me time and again.

--- Please do not act the way you do and try to con me into thinking that way. It won't work. Please be true.

--- I HATE YOU. It's been three months and everything replays itself. THREE MONTHS OF HATING YOU & MANY MORE TO COME. You bastardised asshole.

--- I'm really shocked by the whole thing. I never expected it to be coming from you. It was just so un-you, so unlikely.

--- Thanks for making me realise so many things. I do not hate you. And I hope you feel the same way as I do now. Please put it all behind.

--- It seems like yesterday where we would write cutesie messages for one another. I miss the closeness of our friendship. But it seems like I do not know you anymore. I feel so used. You make me feel like trash at times.

--- Ferrero Manderly. It reminds me of you. You've managed to put the past behind you. I'm happy for you.

Just random rants.
I feel so much better.








I'm lying.